Shake and paw can wait til he's older.

The one training thing we are ALWAYS steady on are the three rules. Ryder gets a NO that blows his ears back and a snub for using teeth. Even cute little puppy teeth. Understand that it won't work instantly, but you will see a lessening if you are consistent. The older the puppy gets, the stronger the correction.

We can take your food away at any time and you aren't to respond negatively. Wait.

We give dominance rolls.

Thank you Valtris.

" dam i love a man wid a masculant pit" -- Precious

Apparently Vin Diesel was on Letterman talking about his Cane Corso named Roman. Cane Corso folks were worried that that might start a glut of breeding, a la 101 Dalmations. Dude, it was just VIN DIESEL. Mostly, bitches just want to mount him. Not be him.

Britney Spears starts talking about cute Cane Corsos and we're in trouble.

(Click the title of this entry to enjoy more highly intelligent posts from eloquent Vin Diesel fans)

You haven't lived til you eat goose poop.

Lola has more dog homies than I have actual friends. She's not at all bothered by Ryder and will even jovially share her bed and toys. Then again, he's like, fourteen pounds. Let's see when he's a gawky teenage boy playing her records and using her phone. Then we might have to bust up some scraps.

Jay still hates Ryder. But I understand - Ryder can't take a clue. He barks and gives Jay the play bow. None of this prohibits him from flopping down and following the sunpatch which leads him right through the middle of both dogs during the day.

Robot was freaked during the first two days. His puppy alternated between a SHRIEKING BABOON and a comatose lemming. I tried to tell him it would get better. I could tell by the continued panic in his eyes that he didn't believe me.

I also realised that he hadn't had a chance to do ANY of the reading that I have suggested. And even though I tried at first, I couldn't advise him bit by bit unless I was prepared to just DO all of it. Because I was getting on my own nerves and we were getting a bit frustrated with each other. So I just relaxed, took Lola into my office and shut the door to the shrieking/peeing/pooping. I figured he wouldn't create Cujo and Ryder is too small to kill him yet. Without me throwing in my two cents, Robot found info on his own, including a man who has an opinion on everything dog.

Ed Frawley is pretty blunt and sort of...odd. But he trains the daylights out of German Shepard Police Dogs and I think he has a tough, no nonsense, Army Sargent sort of way about him. The moral of his story is that a lot of dog owners cause their own problems by being really BAD trainers. And I agree with that.

Anyhow, Robot and Ryder have settled into a rhythm.

Ryder gets up at six am and doesn't even ramp up to full ape calls. In fact, Robot even wakes him up. He'll whine to let you know he'd like some love and perhaps to lick your toes. Then it's breakfast for both dogs while West "My Spirit Animal is the Sloth" hits the snooze button at seven minute intervals for an hour. Robot plays with them on the floor or in the back yard, frequently racing the boy out to potty.

Ryder then gets put in the crate while we get ready. He's away from Ryder for like an hour, taking me to work. Then he either comes to work at home or take Ryder with him.

Ryder is pretty laid back when Robot is at work - he goes into comatose lemming mode. Meaning he wakes up just often enough to follow Robot. When they're home, he goes between the crate, outside, food and some play. Like Ed sez, if you are too busy to have your eyes TRAINED on the puppy, put him in the crate so he won't pee in the house.

The trick is that he doesn't squat to pee, nor does he lift his leg. He kinda just stands there. So you can be looking dead at him and then the angle changes and you notice a nice new yellow pattern in the linoleum.

Ryder and Lola ride with him to get me from work. More of the same crate/play/poopy action, unless we take him somewhere. He's not allowed to sniff or be in areas with unfamiliar dogs, as he's not fully vaccinated yet.

Water comes up at like seven pm. No more food.

Then a definite last potty break before he goes in the crate for the night. He sleeps the whole night now, but not for the first three days. He got taken out three times a night for those first two days.

MILESTONES:
He has already climbed a first short flight of steps. If he gets sick of you, he will not hesitate to attempt the long flight. But we don't allow steps, we carry him until he gets too heavy. Gotta watch developing BIG DOG legs.

Much to Robot's surprise, he has given Robot's leg a good humping. I told him that's not allowed. A lot of laughing at the cute funny puppy has led to a lot of offended Grannies and dogs that think they're the Bruce Springsteen.

I have done four dominance rollovers.

He has barked more than Lola has in her whole life. More than half of which was at a paper bag that had the nerve to blow in a circle.

Robot has had an official Mom Brand reaction: After seeing Ryder trying to wipe his butt on the rough concrete, he just wiped it WITH HIS HAND. Dude, you win, I love Lola and have done some gross shit for her but her Dingles she gotta dehang all by herself.

Ate goose poop.

We have a park where hundreds of nice plump geese hang out. They like to antagonize Robot when he goes for a run.

"HHey White Boy! HAAAHNK! You're gonna HHAAve to go back to Lincoln Park with this jogging. HHAHNK! HHAAve you lost your MIND?"

They're tough geese.

But the other day Lola was at the park. Lola too, loves a good goose Tootsie Roll. Her love for them caused me to return to Ruth-Tough Heeling, instead of our usual meandering. And although I made my feelings about goose scat consumption clear, Robot and I wondered what Lola is saying to the geese when she turd snacks.

LOLA: (in the very high, demented voice of a clumsy, muscular six year old) I'm so CRAZY I'll eat yer SHIT man! I'll eat it! Don't fuck with me, I'm KER-AYZY! I been known to tuck a cat turd between my cheek and gum! I might even eat my OWN doo doo. I'M CRAAAAAZY! Get AWAY!

You know what this means for Robot next time he jogs alone...

Go ahead Honey, the dogs have shown you how to show then you mean business.

Oh wait.

No. Not Palermo.

Ryder Roman is his name.

His name is no longer "The Puppy."

Nor is it "Horrible Shrieking Chimpanzee Being Rubbed With Carrot Peeler."

At least, not as often.

His name is Palermo Roman. Better known as Pele.

Yes, yes, I know the Cane Corso breed standard

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

But I look so much better with my ears...

Still, the next person that asks me if he's a *Lab* is gonna get punched in the neck. As if I would have a Lab! I'm faaaar too lazy for that.

Look closely puppy, the CAT OF DEATH lurks...

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

This is a picture of cuddly Uncle Jay who wants to kill you. And this new baby gate will not stop him.

Big dog chew toys...

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

...always look like EXTREMELY OBSCENE sex toys. Anyhow, the puppy is bored by it. He is tuckered out by a day of screaming.

Robot has threatened to name him a punk ass name if he doesn't quit it. Or he might name him Cetera.

I know, I know, I like Chicago too...

Think about this before you get that puppy!

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

Remember when I said raising a puppy sucks ass? It does. This is the only time this little beast shuts up. A bathroom break? A moment to read? Not so much.

Then he pees on the floor.

Herbert

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

This is the puppy's first soft toy.

His name is Herbert. According to Robot, he's a Cubs fan and he's still dating Suzy but that whole venture capital thing he was going into turned out to be a pyramid scheme and Herbie wants to know if you want to go out for a few Jager shots but if not it's cool, cause he and some buds are going out to do some improv later anyhow...

BITE HIM! BITE HIM!

Still bored. A day later.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

Lola decided to sorta play with the puppy today. He was granted permission to lie with Her Royal Bullmastiff-ness and chew a bit on her bone.

Lola meets Roman Jr.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

Ruth, Lola's Trainer/Nanny told me to introduce the dogs on neutral territory.

Which means her facility.

So when I came to get Lola Girl, we just brought him with us. Then proceeded to ignore him a bit and love up on her. Because that's how you keep puppy-eating to a minimum.

Lola, as usual, was bored by the puppy and proceeded to taunt all the other dogs in crates by running freely about the joint.

That went well.

Canine Co-dependency.

SOUNDTRACK OF THIS BLOG: A gagging, whining chicken of say, thirty pounds.

Okay folks, if you leave this boy in his crate or ALONE for any time he starts to SCREAM LIKE HE'S BEING SKINNED ALIVE. And it's not just whining. It's a rhythmic little crowing that elevates into a tooth-grinding CACKLE. It's like a puppy that's so desperate he's gonna speak perfect english any second. And you mustn't react to it. Or he will think that it was a successful communication.

Everyone thinks that when you get a new pet, you forget the old one. For me, I remember what was SO great about the last pet. When Lola arrived, I sure did love the fact that Kate didn't pee on the floor. Didn't require walks. Or expensive care.

And now, I'm remembering how Lola didn't bark for the first month. Honest. She had the occasional whine, but then as now, she generally seems embarrased about making any noise at all. Except when she means business.

But they're all different and special in their SQUAWKING racoon-ish sort of way.

Goodnight kid.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

This is the definition of

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

PUSHING IT TOO FAR!

That's the puppy righ there on the right. Sleeping blissfully. Unaware he was almost gutted like a Ton-Ton.

Introducing Jay

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

But he might get sick of us though.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

What good are your pets if you can't make them do silly things I ask you?

Not whining.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

In the past less than twelve hours, I have heard more whining than I heard from Lola in the first six months. Really.

Bullmastiffs are pretty stoic and independent. The first time Lola looked sad and chased me when I left her at the park with the sitter...

MONUMENTAL.

Because usually she would be all, BYE SUCKA!

When you are with him, he's fine. If you leave him...

Think all you want.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

You'll never know why Jay hates you so.

We're taking him to the toilet a LOT, so we've only had one accident in the house. But that's not saying much since he's only been here like, less than twelve hours.

Poop on the hideous linoleum...POOP!

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

This is his inaugural poop. And what a poop it was. Luckily folks, we're renovating the house, so I really could care less. Actually, I've considered taking a crap right in that spot too.

Then we got him home.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

When we pulled up, Robot was like, AW the puppy's gonna think we're poor. I was like, yeah, we shouldn't have taken him by The Manor (my mom's house) first.

Lola is at her sitter's.

But Jay was right at the door. HATING. Big time. But RJ was used to it, since my mom's cat Chevy gave him a good smacking.

Welcome to the family kid.

Travel oasis parking lot.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

Because RJ deserved a potty break.

He was very good in the car - he pretty much slept all the way through a two hour ride on my lap.

We went to Petsmart.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

Where Robot learned that you can't fit West, Roman Junior, a GIGANTIC bag of food and an extra large dog crate into the Jeep at one time.

Robot and Roman Junior

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

So we drove to Indiana again, with a money order and a dream...

He's a few days shy of eight weeks. We wanted to get him before the eight week I'M FUCKING FRIGHTENED OF EVERYTHING phase sets in.

Nutro? Lamb? Chicken? A sack of White Castles?

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

I would also like to welcome Robot into the expensive ridiculousness that is dog ownership.

He's here, he's a bunny. Get used to it.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

We proudly welcome Roman Junior (or whatever his name is) to Petsmart and to the family.

Me and Roman/Bo/Indy

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

Please note that I just made my pocket into a handy paper towel dispenser.

Five week old puppy = pee-poo machine.

Memories of Puppy Lola

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

Of course I often think of my own dog's puppy days...

Maybe he'll hate snakes too.

The cute Indiana Couple have had to turn more odd people away from their dogs. But the Littlest and Landon now have homes. That means that all the boys are spoken for except Mr. Tea, so it looks like we are definitely DEFINITELY in the Roman Jr. boat. I just don't see Mr. Tea, also known as Houdini, beating the delightfully sleepy Roman Junior in a temprament test.

Poor Robot thinks he wants a super rambunctious dog. HA! We will barely be able to keep up with the narcoleptic meatloaf that is Roman Junior.

I've decided to have a PUPPY DAMAGE-O-METER!

No matter how hard you try, something gets jacked up. Heck, I still lose stuff to her Royal Bullmastiff-ness:

RECENT BULLMASTIFF DAMAGE-O-METER: The corners of one EXPENSIVE and BORROWED graphic design magazine. One old sponge. One bag of Halls cough-drops. One bag of Ricola. She puked twice on the industrial carpet. But we're remodeling so Robot just cuts a nice square out of the rug instead of Nature's Miracling. Two nasty farts damaged the insides of our noses.


Possible Names: Roman Junior, Bo Bice or Indiana.

New name entry...

I don't think we're serious, but the puppy is now being referred to as Bo Bice. As in running about the house singing in a mock rock voice, all the things Bo Bice is gonna do. Bo Bice is gonna be nice to you, but Bo Bice feels he's gotta eat your shoe...WHOA-WOA-WOA- YEEEEEEEEEAH."

And I don't think we're going to get him today. Didn't hear back from the Indiana Couple that it was okay to come grab our new household Rock Star.

This is the VERY specific answer to the purebred thing...

I'm separating these posts to not negate my owning-up-age from before. This post isn't to excuse me, just to tell you more about my situation when I chose Lola and why Robot is choosing Roman Junior.

I went to the pound, where I found a very cute Beagle girl. Wasn't going to work. Beagles tend to talk more than Geraldo on ecstasy. I lived in an apartment and honestly, I don't like noisy dogs. Although she was very cute, bringing her home would have been unwise.

There were other dogs there, and in rescue groups too. But I needed a puppy.

Because I had a cat, Katrina, and I wanted her to be able to kill the puppy if she so desired.

I'm kidding. Sort of.

But it was important to know that my dog wouldn't have a hidden terrier grandfather whose strong prey drive genes pop up as soon as I leave the house to go on a beer run. Then my cat is dead and I hate myself. I was hoping that the more I knew about the dog's lineage, the better.

While some Rescue groups test some of their dogs for compatibility with cats, I just wasn't ready to trust Katrina to that. I thought it would be easier for Katie to establish a dominant role over a puppy instead of an older dog. I felt that I could only trust a dog raised with MY cat. And it worked for me. Ninety pound Lola gave Katie all the respect that a twelve pound cat deserved.

Robot feels the same way about Jay, so he wants to raise a puppy.

And as a dog novice, I felt more in control with a dog who I'd met parents and researched the breed. Lola is very true to her breed type, and that helps me understand her more.

If you don't have a cat, don't live in an apartment and aren't a dog novice, you will open your dog-getting options much wider.

Still, I was hoping to find a compatible, adoptable Cane Corso for him. I checked Corso Rescue and Petfinder.org. I couldn't find a boy Cane Corso puppy. I looked just about every day. I found girls. I found mixes (AmStaff terrier). No luck.

And that's how we ended up where we did.

But NONE of it had to do with the idea that shelter dogs are lemons. My next dog would have come from a shelter or rescue. Almost did. A guy had rescued a Neapolitan Mastiff boy and I had gone so far as to introduce Lola to her new brother! Then then the guy decided to keep him. Dang.

Then I was reading this and nearly bawled.

You don't understand. I'm a Vulcan. I have no emotions and I certainly don't cry over bad poetry but I was almost under the table crying my eyes out.

So when Robot came upstairs after making tea, I was all screwy-faced and sad and had to confess that I almost started a retirement home for dogs in his office starting with Buttons, but that's what he gets for leaving me alone upstairs with the internet.

You see, old crazy ladies with 538 pets in a one bedroom condo don't start out smelling like cat pee. They start out young and sort of sane, with only one Bullmastiff, smelling like Chanel No. 5. And THAT is how they sucker a poor husband into their lair. I could see the DANGER! POTENTIAL CRAZY OLD CAT LADY premonition flash across Robot's face.

Then he smiled and said hey, if we've got 200 pounds of dogs already, I can't see seven pounds of Buttons making too much difference.

And that's why I love him folks.

But I do know that a dog isn't something you rush into. Not even over a poem that makes you weepy. We have a lot going on right now, with Roman Jr. coming and all.

And I did say that this dog is Robot's to pick and I'm sticking to that. And part of sticking to that is NOT adopting 6 dogs in addition to his. That's not what two people on a team do.

But maaaaan, when things settle down, if I 'm not ready to throw RJ and Lola into the basement, if Jay hasn't worried himself hairless, if Robot and I still think we can take *one* more on, then I'll be in OLD ADOPTED dog heaven.

This is the VERY broad answer about choosing a purebred.

Carina went and asked THE question:

"why a purebred dog over a shelter dog? i feel so bad thinking about buying a $700+ purebred when there are so many great dogs in the shelters. i justify it by saying there are so few little dogs there (i can't have a big one) and that if i dont raise it from a puppy that i'll end up with a dog with past problems. obviously this isn't necessarily true. why are you and robot going for a purebred?"

Even though I made a good dog choice in Lola and hopefully in Roman Jr., I know that I didn't make the best karmic choice. I didn't make the best choice for dog-kind. I did look in the pound. I did check rescue groups. But I didn't find the right dog. Not the right breed. Not the right age. But that's no excuse. I could have waited.

And I have more than purebred guilt. Purebred guilt is lighter than mine - professional breeders need homes for the dogs they don't plan to show. By puchasing a dog from a non-professional breeder, I am encouraging them to do it again. I like to make myself feel better by saying at least I didn't buy from a pet store. And we certainly weren't giving money to the people who CLEARLY don't care at ALL about the dogs. But I know better - I'm still contributing to the profitablilty of pet overpopulation.

But we make our choices. Some are better than others. Robot's Jay came from a sack of kittens someone found on the subway. He's magnificent. My Katrina was surely on her way to the pound, but instead she had a home with my family for 16 years. A family next door abandoned their cat outside. I took him to the vet, got him fixed and wheedled a place for him at a no-kill shelter. Just two days ago Robot and I were trying to Pied Piper a few strays into the Jeep.

Who knows? Perhaps some horrible person would have bought Lola and bred her or fought her - maybe I was meant to save her. What would have happened if this guy was stuck with too many Bullmastiffs? Lola was already here. Would she have eventually have ended up in the pound?

But that's all speculation - I will own up to my own choices. Even the selfish ones. I chose Lola over adopting another dog. And we are doing it again. I find both of those sentences hard to type. But it's the truth. There's more to the decision, which I'll put in another entry, but ultimately, all those reasons don't mean shit to the two dogs that dog that die because we chose Lola and Roman Junior. Because we didn't wait long enough or search hard enough to find compatible dogs that need homes.

And Carina, if you make that choice, you will have to say the same thing too.

But my choices had nothing to do with thinking that shelter dogs are faulty. Breed Rescue groups are a great resource - sort of like a pseudo-breeder. Rescue folks can tell you a lot about their dogs individually and the breed. Usually they have set about correcting problems, if there are any. Plus, with an older dog from a breed rescue, you won't have to guess at what their personality will develop into - you'll know.

Also, let me make this clear - RAISING A PUPPY SUCKS ASS. My floors will be peed upon. The potential for chewed up Gucci boots has risen exponentially. Our social life will have to be broken up into three hour intervals. I'll tell you why we're doing it in the next entry. My next dog will be older, housebroken, and from a Rescue.

Did you know that some rescues specialize in small dogs? Like Small Dog Rescue, Wee Rescue, or 1 800 Save a Pet. Even if you have to fly the dog or fly and get the dog, you will probably come out cheaper than a straight up purebred.

Carina, learn about dogs. Use what you learn to make the best choice for you. If that's a Breeder, good. If that's a Rescue or shelter dog, GREAT! But after you make your choice, don't focus on how to justify it to others.

Focus on living up to it.

For me, that means living up to allll the responsibility that goes along with a dog. I can live with where I got Lola-Girl from. I can't live with her journey and her end being anything less than a wonderful friend deserves.

.

One more dog gender-related bit of advice...

When I was looking for a puppy, my fairly prim and proper mom called me with advice from John, a friend of hers who had a wonderful Rott named Grace.

MOM: West, John says you don't want to get a big boy dog. Because they lie around the house, flop over and BOOM there's a big ol' COCK in your face. Just a BIG OL' COCK right there on the floor, looking at ya. When they're small dogs, it doesn't matter so much, but a big dog is gonna just lay it all out there, and you don't want a GIANT COCK on your floor when you're trying to watch Oprah. A big COCK messing up your all-white Mid-Century Modern Decor. So get a girl. Now, I have a great book on Transcendental Mediation, do you want to borrow it?

WEST END GIRL: (quietly) Helphelphelphelp.

I believe that was the first and only time I'd ever heard my mom use the C-word. But they did have a point. I got a girl.

Now I'm gearing myself up for the tiny lipstick of Roman Jr.

Hump me, tenderly.

A reader, Carina (hi!) said, "I am looking for a dog right now, too and am so stumped on this male vs. female debate. My female dogs have never been "moody" like all the advice I read says they are. Have you found that Lola is more moody, dominant, etc than a male dog might be?"

So the feminist in me wanted to say, "Girls are most certainly not more moody than boys! That kind of thinking will keep Lola and Hillary out of the White House!"

Then I realised that I actually don't know - the only boy pet I have ever had is Jay. He's a cat.

Here's my opinion: Mood, personality and dominance are generally determined breed, parents and whether or not they still have ovaries/coconuts. Either sex in heat is a big ol' ball of dog hormones. Both sexes of some breeds, tend to be more dominant than others. Cool parents will raise cool puppies. And then, every dog is an individual. So a temprament test will help you tell who is more dominant - whether male or female.

Ruth from See Spot Run - my trainer/dog nanny extraordinaire weighed in too. She's a pro. She says that I'm on the right track. Unneutered girls and some neutered girls can be a bit hormonal though - territorial, snippy with girls. Two girls are more likely to rumble than two boys, again, generally speaking. But she says the difference between sexes is still very minor. The differences mentioned above are far greater indicators of dominance and mood.

So then I asked her for an objective opinion of Lola's dominance level. Ruth knows my dog in a way that I don't. One day Lola met a Neapolitan boy that I was interested in adopting. He trotted around the yard lifting his leg, and then AMAZINGLY ENOUGH, SO DID SHE. I'd NEVER in FOUR YEARS seen my little girl lift her leg. Not once.

But they have. Not a lot. Just sometimes. They've seen her hump too. They say that Lola is one of the most tender humpers they have ever seen. She slowly and tenderly and patiently...would HUMP the shit out of Henry the Mastiff - her boyfriend. I have seen her hump only once in her whole life. Her friend Cooper. That's it. Once.

Ruth also says that Lola is not one of the most dominant dogs they have, but she's quite serious. If she hadn't been socialized so extensively as a puppy, she'd probably be rather edgy with other dogs.

Wow. I'd never thought of my laid-back goofball that way. That makes me even more proud of the job that I (meaning me, Ruth, Anne, Jered and the eight million other people and dogs that she's met) have done.

So Carina, I guess my experience is limited, because I've never had a boy dog. The only gender related consideration I have is that Lola is a girl, so Robot should get a boy. Generally speaking, dogs of the opposite sex get along better than two boys or two girls. If this is your first dog, then it doesn't matter. Try to pick the best puppy or dog that has the least dominant personality (go for even tempered parents if possible), get it fixed, and socialize like crazy.

Gender doesn't really matter.
Just like in humans, it's all about the individual.

All Roman Jr. Can Eat...

Indiana Couple says: "Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know that we took the puppies yesterday to get their 6 week shots and they all got weighed, and got checked. Roman Jr. is healthy and is the biggest pup we've got. He weighed in at a whoppin' 12.2 lbs."

Of course that made Robot worry about his hips. He shouldn't though. All these puppies are grandbabies of Enzo-of-the-Great-Hips. Roman and Tea are okay so far. And more importantly, they're the right size - not too giant. So unless we feed him daily Big Macs, he won't turn into Buffy from the Fat Boys and screw up his hips.

We pick him up Sunday I think.

Connecting to your inner Alpha Bitch.

There is a difference between a "well trained dog" and a "good dog." Lola is what I call a "good dog." Good dogs don't suck. Good dogs respect humans. I learned how to help her be that way with the help of a very nice Bullmastiff Breeder at Valtris Estates named Richard Barton.

I went to see adult Bullmastiffs as a part of my research. He has great dogs and I was knocked out by how sweet and gentle they are. From day one, they learn The Three Lessons.
Learn and love them.

Lola loves food. Like a crackhead loves crack. Like I love shoes. But I have done the following things to her while she is eating:

Disco danced around her to Andy Gibbs' 'I Just Want To Be Your Everything.'

Stuck my hand flat out in the middle of her food bowl.

Taken the food bowl away.

No growl. No nip. Nada. A parade of children could all take turns snatching her food away and playing frisbee with the bowl. She might make a mistake and knock someone down in her exuberance to scarf every rapidly scattering morsel, but no food aggression.

Just one of the many benefits of the Three Lessons – the first basic rules of establishing HUMANS as pack leaders. Thank you Valtris.

My Bullmastiff is bored by home renovation.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

Ladies and gents, meet Lola.

Lola is one bored Bullmastiff.

But we are one Cane Corso puppy away from her being excited and me and Robot being crazy.

T minus a week or two until new puppy arrives...

I researched so many things about dogs when I got Her Royal Bullmastiff-ness that I nearly exploded from it all. Don't wait until the puppy arrives, start making your plan now - consistency from day one is important.

Browse puppy rearing books. I do so love the Monks. They have a dog rearing philosophy, not just training advice, They're easy to read, and they take you from birth to placement and beyond...

Check the net.

When you see a well behaved dog walk past a bunch of ill mannered boor-dogs, a kid with a mohawk eating a burger, and a midget juggling dog toys right at his eye level, all while giving his owner slack in the lead, stop them. Compliment the dog and ask who trained him. Where'd he go to puppy school? Obedience class? Dog walking service they recommend? Try to ask someone with a dog kinda like yours if possible. Goldens and Border Collies don't count when you have a STUBBORN Bullmastiff.

Start researching back-up. My mom is afraid of dogs. I was single. I work. I needed help. You might need some too. I'm talking beyond the friend who is very excited you are getting a puppy and claims you can call on her anytime. Until the night you REALLY need her but she really doesn't want to miss American Idol. Don't be mad. Have back-up. Most cities have dog walking services - build a relationship with one now.

And if you doubt that training is important, go to the dog park and watch some poor chick trying to chase her Chocolate Lab who is running around like a monkey because he doesn't want to go home. EVER. Look at the dud who gets PULLED down the street by his dog. He looks like an ass and it scares everybody on the street.

If you can't do it for the dog, do it for you. You don't want to look like an ASS do you you?

Roman Jr. and Littlest

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

My Bullmastiff is bored with this blog.

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Originally uploaded by west end girl.

This is Robot loving the one he's with while playing Playstation2.

Why oh why do the BIGGEST dogs loooove getting on your lap?

Everybody looooves the Littlest.

Littlest 3
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

But I still like Roman Junior because he feels like a plump pot roast in my arms.

Robot is sticking to his choice so far...

And if you'd like to throw your 2 cents in, click the comment button below...

Roman Jr. it is.

With the Littlest running a nice close second.

I guess what settled it is his resemblence, in temper and look, to the super laid back Roman. He's got a nice big head and no attitude at all. He will join us near the end of the month...and then the fun begins.

I'm cracking down on Miss Lola's obedience commands, in preparation for puppy arrival. It's very simple really.

When I say SIT, I mean it the first time. If Lola-Mae doesn't sit, I'll physically make her sit and praise her like it was her idea.
If I say, SIT...SIT?...SITSITSITSITSITSIT! Then Lola learns she doesn't have to obey until I'm really pissed.

Lola will STAY until I say free. Or be moved all the way back into the STAY position at her original coordinates.

And not just backyard romping - it is time to HEEL.

Your first lesson? Puppy training is all about TRAINING YOU to respond the same correct way to the dog's actions. Thus TRAINING HIM to respond the same correct way to the human's actions.

Big Tough Cane Corso puppy...

Landon3
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

...named Landon?

But Landon is great just the same. Robot says that he is a little bit shy for his tastes though. You can hold him, but not as long as you can hold Littlest or Roman Jr. or Mr. Tea for that matter.

Yet another Cane Corso puppy photo...

Mr. T
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

I put Mr. T up so you know I wasn't necessarily favoring Roman Jr.

Gratuitous Cane Corso puppy photo...

Roman Jr4
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

And the winner is...

Clearly one of the four boys from the Indiana Couple.
Robot kept asking for photos from West Coast, in hopes of making up for what can't be made up for - he wanted face to face with pups and parents. So even though JP was very nice, Robot didn't want to fly out there to meet them, when we knew it would be hard to beat the Cane Corso stylings of Tea and Roman.
Both times we visited the Indiana Couple's puppies, a parade of kids dropped by to play with them too.
They, like the pups of West Coast, are Enzo's grandbabies.
And as a bonus, we plain liked the Indiana Couple.
They asked us plenty of good questions.
They had plenty of good answers.
And did we mention Tea and Roman?

So I hate to tease but I'm going to let Robot mull it all over, and if he's still stuck on the same one I'll reveal tomorrow.

Um...Landon?

Landon2
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

This light Brindle boy was sort of named by a friend of the IC. He has another great personality and does all the right things when tested.

The Littlest?

Littlest 2
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

This little boy is the male runt, the baby of the bunch. He's much adored for his spunky personality and acrobatic food bowl moves.

He's a little bit more active than Roman Jr., which is appealing to Robot. But he has the same Roman Jr. personality which is appealing to me.

Roman Jr.?

Roman Jr
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

Remember him? I said it before - he's my favorite. Now he's the biggest next to his gigantic blue brother. IC thinks he's gonna look like his pops Roman - glossy black cherry colored with a hint of brindle.

He is great at the rollover. I could have held him on his back forever. He let me hold him in my arms for a long time before he wanted to go back to his siblings. He isn't startled easily and he wasn't excessively mouthy.

Mr. T?

Mr. T3
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

Mr. T is Mr. T because he is a big old mama's boy. Mr. Tea. This is the Brindle Boy that Indiana Couple said was taking the lead before - calling for mom, feeding first. He's still the fastest learner and on the large side.

Robot loves him, but I don't know if we want an alpha boy. Nor do we want the puppy who is going to grow up and reveal all our secrets.

Lola doesn't need to know that the baby gate WON'T explode if she knocks it down. That Bullmastiffs and Cane Corsos are indeed tall enough to steal food off the counter. That there is no Santa Claus bringing Nylabones to well behaved dogs.

He is clever, but do we want to spend all our time showing that we are more clever? Or will he expose another hidden truth - we ain't.

Tea and Robot

Tea and Robot
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

That's Tea, pronounced Tay-Ah. She's Roman's Number One Girl. Tea snuggled my boots today.

The puppies all worship her.

Robot and Roman

Robot and Roman
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

This is Roman. If there were a job opening for Hound of Hell, you'd send him right? No.
Roman has the Hound of Hell look and the personality of a Sesame Street character.

I would like to sit and pet Roman until his Pet-o-meter is full. I would have to take three weeks off work, because he is a Bottomless Petting PIT.

Robot is doing final research...

What? He's a Robot?!

Roman, he of the perky lipstick, sire of the Indiana Couple's litter, has pretty much been confirmed as the offspring of ENZO THE GLOSSY. ENZO OF THE EXCELLENT-EST HIPS. So while we don't have hip scores, Robot probably has a stronger chance at no hip problems than I did.

Perhaps we will have an America's Next Top Model-esque ceremony:

WEST END GIRL IN BIG RED WEAVE: Ridiculously Sleepy Black Puppy, you are still in the running to be Robot's Next Top Pet.
WEST END GIRL IN BIG RED WEAVE: Creepily Human Looking Blue, you are still in the running to be Robot's Next Top Pet.
WEST END GIRL IN BIG RED WEAVE: Tiny Runt Who Will Be Spoiled into Confidence, you are still in the running to be Robot's Next Top Pet.
WEST END GIRL IN BIG RED WEAVE: Littermate of Sugar Shane Mosley's new Cane Corso, you are still in the running to be Robot's Next Top Pet.

Stay tuned.

Puppy Rerun!!

Puppy Rerun!!
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

One of these puppies could be ours.

Maybe.

Puppy Rerun!!

Puppy Rerun!!
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

When this dog weighs more than me and he's mouthing off at the park I'll tell him, I REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A BABY SEAL!

Puppy Reruns!

Indiana Litter 1
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

While we wait for Robot's decision, please peruse the Indiana Couple's photos of their litter. These photos are from when they were around 2 weeks old - they're almost five weeks now.

You! Are you my puppy?

IMG_2124
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

This is another shot of the Indiana Couple's brindle boy. It makes me laugh because you can see Robot searching for a clue, a sign...anything! ARE YOU THE RIGHT ONE? They're just too small to give you *strong* clues about anything. They're only 3 weeks old.

I met Lola when she was eight weeks old. Her brother walked over and said, I'M YOUR BOY!

The breeder said, Ignore the boy. He's a lying alpha. The girl is the right puppy for you.

And he was so right.

But there are ways you can check out a puppy. They have to be a little older than three weeks, but in addition to the roly poly antics that amuse you, you want to give a puppy a little puppy temprament test. You will want to ignore the advice for the independent dog - for our purposes, there's no such thing as a dog better left outside.

Indiana Couple's Brindle Contenders.

IMG_2126
Originally uploaded by west end girl.

And that's not the Indiana couple. That's Robot and Medium Robot holding two brindle boys. The puppies are like, 3 weeks in this photo. All they can do is whine for food and monkey-wrap their legs around your arm for stability.
Robot hasn't made a decision yet, but he's awful close...